Emotional regulation for school aged children

Every child will need support from the adults around them to develop emotional regulation skills.

Although autistic children and teenagers can struggle more than others to identify, understand, and manage their emotions, there is a range of practical strategies that can support them. These strategies can then have positive impacts on their relationships with others and their own mental health and wellbeing. 

Learning to identify different emotions is the first step in developing emotional regulation skills, something that children with autism can find difficult. Negative emotions might all be perceived as anger, and so might physical sensations such as heat or breathlessness. Excitement may not be recognised, and complex emotions might be oversimplified as boredom. Autistic children might also struggle to interpret and respond appropriately to the emotions of others. They might not notice when someone is confused, upset, or angry, or they might misinterpret these emotions as being directed towards them.

Teaching autistic children about emotions is not just about helping them name feelings. It involves improving their understanding of how emotions influence social interactions and relationships. By becoming more aware of both their emotions and those of others, autistic children can develop stronger social connections and a better sense of self-awareness, which are vital for their overall mental health.

Strategies for teaching and supporting emotional regulation

Daily identification of emotions

As you go through the day with your child, label emotions as they appear naturally. This could be while reading, watching TV, or during social interactions. Phrases like ‘Look – you’re smiling. I feel happy,’ or ‘I am SO excited! Give me a high five!’ helps your child associate expressions and situations with specific emotions and how to express them positively. 

Understanding physical cues

Help your child become aware of how their body reacts to emotions. For instance, discussing nervousness might involve recognising a "funny feeling in the tummy" or sweaty palms.

Play and games

Encourage your child to express and explore emotions through creative activities like drawing, playing with toys, dancing or listening to music. These activities are a safe outlet for expressing and experimenting with emotions. Games and activities that involve guessing or acting out emotions make learning fun and interactive.

Use tools and visual aids

Visual supports like picture cards can be useful for teaching basic emotions, especially using visual cues like faces showing different expressions. Social stories and comic strip conversations can help explain social situations and emotional responses, making it easier for autistic children to understand.

As children grow into pre-teens and teenagers, identifying emotions can become more difficult. They may now understand basic emotions but struggle with more complex feelings like jealousy, frustration, or embarrassment. Introducing new strategies to support emotional regulation can help pre-teens and teenagers on the autism spectrum continue navigating their emotions safely. 

Continue to use existing strategies, including creative expression and open discussions about emotions, adjusting them to suit your child’s level of understanding. Visual supports can still be helpful, but they will probably need to be updated to reflect your child’s age and interests. For example, a ‘ladder diagram’ is a great visual support for pre-teens and teenagers, where each rung of the ladder represents a different intensity level of an emotion, helping communicate that people can feel emotions at different levels. 

Managing big emotions

Autistic children and teenagers often find strong emotions overwhelming and may struggle to manage these big feelings. However, with practice and the right techniques, they can learn to navigate their emotions safely. 

Families and educators must remember that learning to manage these emotions involves consistent practice and patience over a long period of time. Ideally, children should practice emotional regulation strategies when they are calm, making it easier to learn them and apply them during stressful or overwhelming situations.

Below are some helpful methods of supporting autistic children and teenagers with strong emotions: 

Five-step process to calm down

Having a clear, step-by-step process to calm down can help autistic children and teenagers handle difficult situations better. Here's a simple five-step process:

1. Notice the emotion: Teach the child to recognise when they are beginning to feel strong emotions.
2. Name the emotion: Help them to label what they are feeling, such as anger, sadness, happiness, or frustration.
3. Pause and say nothing: Encourage an autistic person to take a moment of silence to prevent immediate reactive actions.
4. Support your child while they calm down: Be a calming and supportive presence when your child is overwhelmed.
5. Address the issue that sparked the emotion: Once calm, discuss what triggered the emotion to help them understand and possibly avoid such triggers in the future.

Relaxation techniques

Relaxation exercises can help autistic children with self-regulation in a range of situations. Some examples include:

• Counting to ten or taking five deep breaths to slow down the emotional escalation.
• Having the child trace the outline of their hand with their finger, inhaling and exhaling as they trace up and down each finger (finger breathing). 
• Exercises involving muscle relaxation and guided positive visualisation activities tailored to the child's preferences and needs.

Sensory stimulation strategies

Sensory tools can also play an important role in managing emotions:

• Physical objects: Using items like stress balls, fidget spinners, or sensory toys can help redirect anxious or frustrated energy safely.
• Substitutive behaviours: If an autistic child engages in dangerous sensory-seeking behaviours, finding a less harmful but equally satisfying alternative is important. For example, if a child tends to pick at their skin when they are nervous, providing them with textured toys or jewellery to fiddle with might meet the same sensory need.

Breaks and physical activity

Regular breaks can prevent big emotions from escalating in autistic children. A productive break might look like:

• Taking a walk or finding a quiet place to reset emotionally.
• Changing activities, such as listening to music, reading, or engaging in a hobby that can shift focus and lower stress levels.
• Physical exercise, such as running, playing sports, or even simple stretching exercises, can help expend energy and reduce stress.

Encouraging positive self-talk

Teaching autistic children about positive self-talk and reshaping narratives around stressful situations can significantly impact their emotional regulation. Here are some ways to encourage positive self-talk:

• Reframing anxiety: Before a stressful event like an exam, encouraging the child to view their anxiety as a helpful resource can alter their emotional response to it.
• Inner speech/dialogue: Encouraging children to talk themselves through challenging tasks can increase their ability to cope with academic and social stresses.
• Scheduled reflection: Allowing time for reflection can help children carefully consider their responses to emotional triggers.
• Expressive writing or drawing: Journaling or drawing about fears or stress can help children identify and express emotions, improving emotional literacy.

Professional support for emotional regulation

Professional guidance from GPs, paediatricians, psychologists or behaviour specialists can be instrumental in developing a comprehensive approach to emotional management for autistic children. These professionals can offer insights into appropriate therapies and strategies tailored to individual needs.