Family relationships and autism

Parenting is challenging under any circumstances, but parenting adult children with autism can have unique challenges. 

It's important to ensure that your relationships remain positive and supportive. Below, we explore the impact of autism on parental relationships, the stress you might face, and strategies for maintaining strong, healthy connections.

Autism and relationship dynamics

It’s clear that having a child with autism can affect parental relationships, but the often-cited 80% divorce rate isn’t backed by credible evidence. Studies show mixed results. Some indicate slightly higher divorce rates, especially later in life, while others match the general population. Factors like parents’ age and additional disorders in the child can influence these outcomes. Regardless of these variations, the stress parents face is undeniable. This stress can impact mental health and relationship dynamics both before and after a diagnosis.

Common stressors in relationships

Parents of adult children with autism often face several challenges that can affect their relationships. Financial strain is a common issue, with expenses for therapy, medical needs, and special equipment potentially causing stress, especially if partners disagree on spending priorities. Employment changes can also create tension, as one or both parents might need to adjust their working hours or leave their jobs, which, while sometimes beneficial, can be stressful.

As children with autism grow into adulthood, the challenges evolve. Caring for a child well into adulthood can add significant stress, especially as parents age and become less capable of providing care. Making big decisions about long-term care can strain the couple and the entire family. Family roles may shift, with one partner often taking on more childcare and household duties, leading to feelings of isolation and frustration. Disagreements over therapy approaches can create tension, so it’s helpful to discuss and try different methods to find what works best.

Challenging behaviours, such as aggression or running away, can be particularly stressful. Consistency in handling these behaviours is important, and professional support can be helpful. As parents grow older, planning for their child’s future care becomes increasingly urgent and can lead to tough decisions, adding further strain. Despite these challenges, many strategies can help maintain and strengthen relationships, including seeking support groups, professional counselling, and respite care options to take some of the pressure off.

Strategies for strengthening relationships

Maintaining a strong relationship requires effort. Here are some strategies that can help:

Communication and teamwork

• Make time for each other: Prioritise time together to nurture your relationship. Self-care and couple time are important for maintaining a strong bond.
• Open communication: Keep talking to each other. Share your thoughts and feelings regularly to maintain a strong connection.
• Team effort: Share responsibilities evenly, including paid work, domestic chores, and childcare. Working together consistently will benefit your child and improve family dynamics.

Seeking support

• Professional counselling: Couples counselling can be beneficial. This can be accessed privately or through services like Relationships Australia, which offers in-person and online sessions.
• Make use of available resources: Programs like Carer Gateway can provide services and support. Carers Australia offers various services such as counselling, support groups, and respite care to help parents manage their carer responsibilities. Relationships Australia and the Family Relationships Advice Line are also valuable resources. Support workers can also assist by freeing up your time, allowing you to invest more in your relationships.

Positive changes in relationships

Supporting an adult with autism can also bring positive changes to your relationship. It might strengthen your family by improving communication and shared responsibilities. Learning from each other’s perspectives and working as a team can deepen your bond.

Navigating the challenges of supporting an adult with autism involves finding solutions together.

• Work as a team to manage finances, including budgeting for medical expenses, therapy, and any necessary home modifications. The NDIS and state disability services may help in providing financial support.
• Adjust working hours or job roles to suit both partners. If one partner stays at home, engaging in community activities can provide a sense of connection.
• Work together to guide behaviour consistently. Professional advice from psychologists or disability specialists can be invaluable in developing effective strategies.

Looking after yourselves and each other

Focusing on self-care and your relationship is crucial.

• Individual interests: Pursue hobbies and activities you enjoy. Time spent on personal interests can rejuvenate you and strengthen your relationship.
• Couple time: Use time together for open communication without blame or judgment. Understanding each other’s feelings can provide emotional support.
• Humour and fun: Sharing laughter and fun moments can relieve stress and reinforce your bond.

It's normal for relationships to face strains, especially when dealing with the complexities of autism. Signs that your relationship might need attention include a noticeable decline in sexual intimacy, emotional or physical withdrawal, and constant disagreements that remain unresolved. If you're worried about your relationship, the first person you should talk to is your partner. Open communication can help address many concerns. Professional counselling can also be beneficial, offering additional support and strategies for maintaining a healthy relationship.

Support is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. Lean on family members and friends for support. Peer groups and disability associations can also provide valuable resources and connections. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if needed. Psychologists and relationship counsellors can offer guidance and support.

Remember, you are not alone, and there are numerous resources and support systems available to help you along the way.