Managing extended family

Autism affects not just the person diagnosed with it but their entire family network.

Understanding how to support their loved ones best is important for grandparents and extended family members. They often play a pivotal role in providing emotional and practical support. 

Understanding autism

One of the first steps in providing support is to gain a thorough understanding of autism. Resources like Autism: What Next? offer comprehensive insights into understanding autism, helping family members grasp the challenges and needs of the condition. Knowledge empowers and can transform how a family interacts and supports an autistic family member.

Tailored support 

Each autistic individual is unique, with their own set of strengths, preferences, and challenges. It’s important for family members to learn specific details about the autistic child in their family. This includes understanding the child's diagnosis, what autism means for them personally, and how it impacts their daily life. Sharing information and advice from healthcare professionals and involving grandparents in therapy sessions can be particularly beneficial. This not only helps in building a supportive environment but also ensures that all family members are consistent in their approach.

Enhancing communication

Knowing how an autistic child communicates and prefers to interact can significantly improve the quality of relationships. Grandparents and extended family members should be encouraged to learn about and adapt to the child’s communication style. This might mean understanding non-verbal cues or supporting the use of assistive communication devices and techniques.

Planning inclusive activities

Social interactions and family gatherings need to be planned with consideration for the autistic child’s comfort and preferences. This could involve organising events in familiar environments, keeping gatherings small, or having a quiet space available where the child can retreat if overwhelmed. Understanding what activities the child enjoys and ensuring these are part of family gatherings can make these occasions more enjoyable for everyone involved.

Emotional support for the family

Parents can find a diagnosis and daily life with autism emotionally challenging. Grandparents and extended family can play a crucial role in providing emotional support. This involves listening without judgement, offering reassurance, and following the lead of the child's parents in terms of parenting style and decisions. It's also important for grandparents to be open about their own feelings and seek support if they find themselves struggling with the situation.

Practical help

Offering practical help can be beneficial. This could range from taking care of siblings to allow parents some respite, to accompanying the family to appointments or helping with daily routines. Even simple gestures, like cooking a meal or helping with school pick-ups, can alleviate the pressures on parents.

Handling the diagnosis

Sometimes, grandparents might be the first to notice signs that a grandchild is developing differently. It's important for them to approach the subject sensitively and supportively, encouraging the child's parents to seek professional advice. Respect for the parents’ feelings and decisions is crucial, as they navigate this challenging period.

Staying informed

Grandparents and extended family members who occasionally care for their autistic child should keep themselves updated on the latest developments in autism research and therapy techniques. Engaging with resources and attending workshops can be invaluable.

Navigating family dynamics

Extended family dynamics can be complex, and the introduction of an autism diagnosis can add to this complexity. It’s important for family members to communicate openly and supportively with one another, ensuring that everyone's feelings are acknowledged and addressed.

Expect the unexpected

Life with a child with autism can often be unpredictable. Situations that might seem ordinary can sometimes become overwhelming for them. For instance, a change in routine or an unexpected noise can lead to significant distress. Therefore, it is crucial for grandparents and extended family to be prepared and flexible.

Keep a "go-to" bag always ready, filled with items that can soothe and comfort your grandchild, such as noise-cancelling headphones, favourite toys, or calming visual aids. Recognising the signs of distress early and having strategies to handle them can help manage these situations effectively.

Change what you can, accept what you can't

It's natural to want to influence certain aspects of your grandchild's life, from dietary choices to daily routines. However, it's important to recognise the boundaries of your influence, especially regarding the parenting choices of your grandchild's parents.

Focus on the areas where you can make a positive impact. When your grandchild is with you, you can incorporate beneficial routines and habits in a gentle way. Remember, your role is supportive, providing relief and reinforcement rather than steering parental decisions.

Savour the moments

Every moment spent with your grandchild is an opportunity to build lasting memories. Children with autism might show affection differently, and it's important to cherish and recognise the significance of these unique expressions.

Create engaging activities that align with your grandchild's interests. Whether it's a quiet reading time, a walk in the park, or playing in a sensory-friendly space, these moments are precious. Celebrate the small achievements and the quiet moments of connection.

Embrace the quirks

Children with autism often have specific interests or activities they are particularly drawn to. These can be powerful avenues for engagement and learning.

If your grandchild loves certain textures, objects, or routines, use these as tools for interaction and education. For example, if they are fascinated by mechanical objects, visiting a museum or a workshop can be educational and enjoyable. Use these interests to teach new skills, such as counting, reading, or social interaction.

Be reliable and set boundaries

Reliability is fundamental in building trust and security with your grandchild. Being a consistent presence in their life can make a significant difference. However, it's also important to maintain your boundaries and ensure you have the time and energy to enjoy your role as a grandparent.

Establish a routine for your interactions, whether regular weekend visits, daily video calls, or special outings. Make sure these times are known and expected, which can be comforting for children who thrive on routine. Equally, communicate your availability clearly to the parents, ensuring you have time for your interests and wellbeing, allowing you to be fully present when you are with your grandchild.

Being a grandparent or extended family member to a child with autism is a role that comes with its challenges, but it is also filled with immense love and joy. Understanding and implementing these top tips can enhance your grandchild's life and your relationship with them. It’s about finding balance, embracing the unique journey of autism, and providing a stable, loving environment where your grandchild can thrive.