Preparing for puberty

Puberty can be a challenging and confusing time for many children with autism. 

As a parent, preparing to support your autistic child through this important life phase requires patience, understanding and good communication. Throughout puberty, there are numerous physical, hormonal, and emotional changes. Children with autism will need additional support to navigate and understand these changes and how to manage them. Here are some effective tools and strategies to help you support your child during this period.

Puberty has made him very angry and emotional at times. It can be a bit like having a really huge toddler in the house — scary! On a positive note I find I can have some great conversations with him. He has a really good and quirky sense of humour. On his good days he can be great company. On his bad days, it’s not fun at all. Quote from The Australian Autism Handbook

Timing and preparation

Start discussions about puberty early, ideally from mid to late primary school. For autistic children, puberty generally begins around the same age as their peers: between 10-11 years for girls and 11-13 years for boys, though it varies for each individual. Since it's hard to predict exactly when puberty will start, starting the conversation early is important, especially if your child notices physical differences compared to older peers.

Effective communication

When explaining puberty, keep your language clear and simple. Visual aids such as diagrams can be helpful for children who are visual learners. Starting with differences that you can easily see, such as facial hair, breast development, or underarm hair. This can help explain the concept of bodily changes as one transitions into an adult.

It’s important to use correct anatomical terms such as 'breasts' and 'penis' when discussing body parts with your child. This promotes body awareness and ensures your child can communicate accurately and respectfully about their bodies. Together with formal terminology, introducing commonly used informal terms like 'boobs' for breasts is also helpful. This will help them become familiar with these terms when they hear them in social settings, such as school, and helps prevent confusion.

Answering the tricky questions

Children with autism may ask particularly direct or challenging questions about puberty. It’s important to handle these with honesty and patience. If you don't have an immediate answer, it’s okay to respond with, "I don’t know – let’s work it out or look it up together." This provides the information and models effective problem-solving and research skills.

If your child tends to ask questions at socially inappropriate times, it can be helpful to establish and rehearse a standard response, such as, "That’s a good question, but let’s talk about it when we get home." Make sure to revisit the question later, as promised, to reinforce trust and ensure your child’s curiosity is respected.

Promoting a positive self-image

During puberty, children experience significant physical and sexual changes that can be confusing and unsettling. It's essential to regularly reassure your child that these changes are a natural part of growing up. Encouraging a positive self-image is crucial; emphasise that everyone goes through these changes and that they are a necessary part of becoming an adult.

Using social stories 

Social stories are a helpful educational tool, especially for autistic children. These stories can be designed to address various aspects of puberty, from personal hygiene and physical changes to managing emotional changes.  Social stories can help children understand difficult concepts by framing them within a narrative they can understand.

Talk with your school

Working together with your child’s school can be helpful in reinforcing the information provided at home at school. Communicate with the school to check on the curriculum and make sure that lessons are being taught at a suitable pace and level of understanding for your child.

Reflect on your personal experience 

Reflecting on your own experiences of going through puberty and the type of sex education you received can help you approach these discussions with your child. It's helpful to think about what aspects of the education you found useful and what might need to be handled differently. You can also integrate your personal or cultural values into these discussions to make them more meaningful and tailored to your family's values.

Utilise credible resources

Ensuring you are informed about puberty and how to support your child through this stage of development will boost your confidence when raising the subject with your child. One of the best resources we can recommend is Planet Puberty, it offers valuable information specifically designed for children on the autism spectrum, and covers everything from puberty to sexual education, consent and sexuality.

Professional guidance

Don’t hesitate to seek advice from professionals such as paediatricians or therapists specialising in adolescent health and autism. They can provide advice and strategies to help with any challenges or difficulties you or your child are experiencing.