Sexuality, gender diversity and autism

Our sexuality, sexual orientation and gender identity are important parts of who we are. 

Everyone has the right to explore and celebrate their identity, including autistic people. Here, we explore what these terms mean and how autistic LGBTQIA+ people and their allies can promote safety and positivity while seeking support if they need it. 

What is sexuality?

Although commonly confused with sexual orientation, sexuality is a broader term referring to how people feel (or don’t feel) sexually attracted to others. It also refers to how they like to express themselves sexually or take part in sexually intimate relationships. These relationships could be casual or more long-term (e.g., with a partner or spouse) and can involve two people or more. 

Sexual relationships are important to many people, including people on the autism spectrum. Autistic people have the same want and need to explore their sexuality as neurotypical people; you might just navigate these relationships a bit differently. For example, many autistic people do not enjoy being hugged or touched and may take more time than neurotypical people to do this with an intimate partner.

What is sexual orientation?

Sexual orientation is the gender preference an individual has for a sexual or romantic partner. For example, if a person describes their sexual orientation as ‘heterosexual,’ they prefer to have romantic or sexual relationships with people of the opposite sex. People who fall within the LGBTQIA+ spectrum may use terms such as ‘gay,’ ‘lesbian,’ ‘bisexual’ or ‘asexual’ to describe their sexual orientation; you can learn more about these terms here.

Some people prefer not to label their sexual orientation, as they may still be in the process of discovering what it is. These people might use terms such as ‘questioning.’ Others find that labels are too restrictive and might use terms such as ‘queer.’ And others simply won’t use a label at all - this is perfectly fine, too! 

Understanding and accepting your sexual orientation is a personal journey, and it is important to recognise that every person’s experience and identity are valid. Some people may take longer to recognise their sexual orientation than others, or they may find their sexual orientation has changed over time as they learn more about themselves or unlearn harmful misinformation about LGBTQIA+ identities. 

If you are unsure of your sexual orientation, don’t pressure yourself or put yourself into unsafe situations to try and work it out right away. All you need to worry about is being safe when exploring and expressing your sexual orientation; if you are able to do this, the rest will follow in time.

What is gender identity and gender diversity?

Gender identity refers to how someone sees and identifies their gender. Someone might identify as a man, woman, or non-binary or use terms like ‘genderqueer’ or ‘gender-fluid’—you can learn more about these terms here.

For most people, their sex and gender will remain the same throughout their life. For example, a baby with female biological and physiological characteristics will usually identify as a woman for their entire life. This is referred to as being cisgender. Some people may feel that their sex and gender are not the same or that the gender assigned to them at birth does not reflect how they see themselves. This is referred to as being transgender.

Autistic people are more likely to identify as transgender or gender-diverse (not cisgender). It is not uncommon for autistic teenagers and young people to explore their gender identity more freely than their neurotypical peers, and they may be more open to exploring their gender identity throughout their adult life. Autistic people must have a support network that is open-minded and supportive of them exploring their identity in a safe and positive way. 

Navigating challenges and celebrating your identity

Autistic people can face barriers to exploring and celebrating their sexuality, sexual orientation and gender identity. Some of these barriers include:

• A lack of relevant and supportive information and resources for autistic LGBTQIA+ people.
• A lack of LGBTQIA+ spaces and events that cater to the support needs of autistic people (e.g., sensory sensitivities or anxiety around unpredictable routines).
• Prejudice and discrimination towards LGBTQIA+ people. You might also hear people use terms such as ‘homophobia’ (prejudice towards gay people) or ‘transphobia’ (prejudice towards transgender people) to describe this. 

Autistic people must have access to information, resources and support networks that encourage them to accept themselves. It is also important that autistic people engage in intimate relationships that are safe and where their needs and preferences are respected. 

Understanding yourself is an important first step in establishing boundaries and advocating for your needs. You don’t need to know exactly how you identify, but it is important to consider if there are labels or actions you like or dislike. For example, you might like to change how you express your gender by wearing different clothes or changing your hair to see if it affirms how you feel about your gender identity. Or, you might find that you are more comfortable having intimate relationships that don’t involve sex and would prefer to focus on developing emotional, intellectual or spiritual connections with others instead. 

Having supportive people in your life who encourage and welcome you is incredibly important. Finding other LGBTQIA+ people, both autistic and neurotypical, can be very beneficial to your mental health and self-esteem and for reducing social isolation. However, there might also be many people already in your life who will support who you are. This article by Minus18 shares some signs that a person supports the LGBTQIA+ community and how you might ‘come out’ or let them in’ (tell them about your LGBTQIA+ identity).

As mentioned above, there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to explore your identity, use a label or come out to others. As long as you are safe and respectful when exploring your sexuality or when navigating intimate relationships, you are doing the right thing. Remember, you have the same right to explore and celebrate your identity as anyone else, and no one has the right to tease, harass or discriminate against you for who you are. 

If you are experiencing significant distress around your sexuality, sexual orientation or gender identity or are experiencing discrimination or harassment for who you are, you can and should seek help. Scroll down to discover peer support groups and LGBTQIA+ organisations that can support you. 

Further resources

There is a lot to learn about sexuality, sexual orientation and gender identity, particularly when it comes to your experience as an autistic person. Here are some further resources that can help you understand your identity and find a community with other autistic LGBTQIA+ people:

• Aspect: Information and resources for autistic LGBTQIA+ Australians.
• ‍Ambitious About Autism: Articles and visual stories by and for LGBTQIA+ autistic young people.
• 'Being trans and on the autism spectrum, younger me struggled to fit in': Roan Maclean opens up about their experiences being transgender and autistic.
• Rainbow Inclusion: An easy-read guide to your health, wellbeing and rights in Australia as an LGBTQIA+ person with disability. It was created by Deakin University in collaboration with LGBTQIA+ people with disability. 
• The Roundabout Project: An initiative providing social connections for socially-isolated LGBTQIA+ people with disability in the ACT.
• ‍QLife: Anonymous and free LGBTQIA+ peer support and referral for people across Australia wanting to talk about sexuality, identity, gender, bodies, feelings or relationships.
• 'Being LGBTIQA+ autistic': An article by myWAY Employability about your rights to not experience harassment or discrimination.
• Genderbility Zine: A magazine made by and for autistic gender-diverse people. We interviewed the creators about why they decided to create the zine and how it provides support.

In the tabs below, you can also visit the state and territory-based support organisations for LGBTQIA+ people.