Understanding bullying

Bullying is not OK. 

Unfortunately, bullying has become a severe, widespread problem in Australia and affects education, workplaces, online spaces and other social environments. Bullying is a widespread issue that affects individuals across various demographics, including age, gender, and neurodiversity. It involves repeated aggressive behaviour that is intended to cause harm or distress to another person. This can be physical, verbal, or psychological and can occur in many settings, such as at study, work, home, or online. For autistic adults, bullying can be particularly challenging, given the unique social and communication difficulties they may face. 

What is bullying?

Bullying is a deliberate, aggressive behaviour aimed at causing harm, discomfort, or fear to another individual. It often involves an imbalance of power, where the person being bullied feels helpless to defend themselves. Bullying can show in several forms:

• Physical bullying: Includes hitting, kicking, or any form of physical aggression.
• Verbal bullying: Involves name-calling, insults, or any verbal harassment.
• Psychological bullying: Includes intimidation, spreading rumours, or social exclusion.
• Sexual bullying: Unwanted and repeated sexual advances and behaviours, often between peers or in informal situations.
• Cyberbullying: Bullying that takes place online, through social media, emails, or text messages.

Autistic adults might experience bullying more frequently due to differences in communication, social interactions, and behaviours. These differences can make them targets for those who do not understand or accept neurodiversity. The impact of bullying on autistic individuals can be profound, affecting their mental health, self-esteem, and overall wellbeing.

The impact of bullying

Studies have shown that this increased vulnerability of being bullied often starts in childhood and can persist into adulthood. Some of the impacts of bullying include:

• ‍Anxiety and depression: Autistic adults who experience bullying are at a higher risk of developing anxiety and depression. The constant stress and fear of being bullied can heighten existing mental health conditions or contribute to the onset of new ones. The feeling of being targeted can lead to a sense of helplessness and hopelessness.‍
• Low self-esteem: Repeated bullying can significantly impact self-esteem. Autistic adults might internalise the negative messages they receive, leading to a diminished sense of self-worth. This can affect their confidence in social interactions and professional settings, inhibiting personal and career growth.‍
• Trauma and PTSD: Bullying can result in trauma or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The memories of bullying incidents can be triggering and cause significant distress. Autistic adults might relive these experiences, leading to increased anxiety and avoidance behaviours.‍
• Suicide: Research has established a link between bullying and an increased risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviours. The stress and emotional pain caused by bullying can push individuals to the brink, where they may consider suicide as an escape from their suffering.‍
• Isolation: Bullying often leads to social withdrawal and isolation. Autistic adults may avoid social situations to protect themselves from further harm. This isolation can harm their social skills and overall wellbeing, limiting opportunities for positive social interactions and support.‍
• Trust issues: Experiencing bullying can make it difficult for autistic adults to trust others. They may become wary of forming new relationships or collaborating with colleagues, fearing that they will be bullied again. This mistrust can impact their personal and professional lives, making building and maintaining healthy relationships challenging.‍
• Workplace challenges: In the workplace, bullying can lead to decreased job satisfaction and performance. Autistic adults might struggle with workplace dynamics and may not receive the support they need from employers or colleagues. This can result in higher rates of absenteeism, job turnover, and unemployment.

Understanding the specific types of bullying in various environments can help in identifying and addressing it effectively.

Bullying at work

Workplace bullying can severely affect your professional life and mental health. It includes behaviours such as:

• Persistent criticism or undermining work.
• Exclusion from meetings or work-related social events.
• Spreading false information or rumours.
• Overloading someone with work or setting unrealistic deadlines.

What to do if you are bullied at work

1. Document everything: Record incidents, including dates, times, what was said or done, and any witnesses.
2. Seek support: If available, talk to a trusted colleague, HR representative, or a workplace union. Some workplaces also have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), which employees who have experienced bullying can access for support.
3. Follow company policies: Familiarise yourself with your company's policies on bullying and harassment and follow the procedure for reporting.
4. Professional help: Consider speaking to a counsellor or therapist to help manage the emotional impact.

Bullying at home

Bullying at home can be particularly distressing as the home is supposed to be a safe space. It can involve:

• Physical violence or threats.
• Verbal abuse or name-calling.
• Emotional manipulation or control.
• Sexual bullying, harassment or violence.

What to do if you are bullied at home

1. Set boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries and what behaviour is unacceptable. You can discuss these verbally or create written or visual reminders of your boundaries that you can give to your family members.
2. Seek help: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups.
3. Professional advice: Consider seeking advice from a counsellor, therapist, or legal professional.
4. Emergency services: Contact emergency services immediately if you feel threatened or unsafe.

Bullying in relationships

Bullying in relationships can show as:

• Controlling behaviour or isolation from friends and family.
• Verbal abuse or belittling.
• Physical aggression or threats.
• Sexual harassment or violence.

What to do if you are bullied in a relationship

1. Recognise the signs: Understand that any form of bullying or abuse is unacceptable.
2. Reach out: Talk to trusted friends or family about your situation and relationship.
3. Professional support: Seek counselling or contact support services, such as Relationships Australia or a psychologist, for advice on safely exiting the relationship.
4. Plan your safety: Develop a safety plan if you decide to leave the relationship, including a safe place to stay and access to financial resources.

Bullying within the family

Bullying within the family can involve:

• Emotional manipulation or guilt-tripping.
• Physical or verbal abuse.
• Isolation or exclusion from family activities.
• Sexual bullying, harassment or violence.

What to do if you are bullied within the family

• ‍Set clear boundaries: Communicate your boundaries and insist on respectful behaviour. You can discuss these verbally or create written or visual reminders of your boundaries that you can give to your family members.‍
• Seek external support: Reach out to support groups or professionals specialising in family dynamics.‍
• Professional intervention: Consider family therapy to address and resolve the underlying issues.‍
• Create distance: If the bullying continues, you may need to limit contact or distance yourself from the family member.

Bullying vs family and intimate partner violence

Bullying in families and family violence both involve harmful behaviours, but the nature and extent of the behaviour, as well as the reasons behind it, are often different. Bullying in families typically occurs between siblings or other family members and involves repeated aggressive actions like teasing, manipulation, or physical intimidation. The intent behind family bullying is often to assert dominance or cause distress, but it usually does not escalate to the same level of harm or control as seen in family violence.

On the other hand, family violence involves more severe and broad forms of abuse, such as physical, emotional, sexual, or financial abuse. It is usually driven by a desire for long-term control or dominance over a family member, often involving more intense harm. Family violence can occur between intimate partners, parents and children, or other family members, and it tends to have more profound physical, emotional, and psychological impacts.

The power dynamics differ as well. In family bullying, the power imbalance often comes from factors like age or size, and the harm is usually limited to one place or type of behaviour. In contrast, family violence involves a significant imbalance of power, with the abuser often holding control over the victim in multiple aspects of life, including emotional, financial, or physical control.

While family bullying may be dismissed as sibling rivalry, family violence is recognised as a criminal offence in many places, with serious legal consequences and protections available for victims. Family violence tends to be far more severe, systemic, and damaging in its impact.

How to support someone who is being bullied

If someone you know is being bullied, your support can make a significant difference. Here are some ways to help:

• Listen and offer support: Sometimes, the most important thing you can do is listen. Offer a supportive and non-judgmental ear, and let them know they are not alone.
• Encourage action: Encourage the person to take the steps mentioned above. Offer to accompany them if they need to report the bullying or seek professional help.
• Promote a positive environment: Whether at university, work or in social settings, creating a positive and inclusive environment can help prevent bullying. Stand up against bullying behaviour and support initiatives that promote respect and kindness.
• Educate yourself and others: Understanding the dynamics of bullying and spreading awareness can help create a more supportive community. Educate yourself and others about the signs of bullying and how to respond effectively.
• Emergency services: Contact emergency services immediately if you feel the person has been harmed, threatened or unsafe. Lifeline and 1800RESPECT can provide support in crisis situations.

If you or someone you know is planning to leave an abusive situation or relationship, it is important to have a safety plan and to make this plan as comprehensive as possible. Yourtoolkit.com can help you or someone you know to create a discrete and concrete plan to stay safe.

Bullying is a serious issue that can have long-lasting effects on a person's mental and emotional health. For autistic adults, who may already face unique challenges, the impact can be even more pronounced. Recognising the signs of bullying and taking proactive steps to address it is crucial. Whether it occurs at work, at home, in relationships, or within the family, there are resources and strategies available to help manage and overcome bullying. By seeking support, setting boundaries, and utilising professional resources, individuals can protect their well-being and create a safer, more respectful environment for themselves.